The Tribe of Cleveland

Just back from Cleveland, where pitcher C.C. Sabbathia beat future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux right before my eyes, as the Indians beat the Padres 7-3 on Father's Day. They don't call the stadium in Cleveland "The Jake" anymore, since corporations can now buy the names to things and make everyone say the corporation's name over and over. And as everybody knows, if you see a company's name over and over, you'll probably get hypnotized and buy their stuff. Sometimes, before I go to the mall, I just watch some NASCAR for shopping ideas. "mustbuyenergydrinks, mustbuyenergydrinks,

mustbuyshaniatwainalbums, mustbuychewingtobacco...."

I'm glad L.A. is sticking with "Dodger Stadium," since "Welcome to Danny Bonaduce field at Indiana Jones and the Quartz Armadillo coming soon to a theatre near you stadium!" would be a real pain for the public address announcer.

Thanks to everybody in Cleveland, and congratulations on deciding on the new official city flower - the orange cones that are strewn all over downtown! And thanks to Robin Swoboda, the greatest morning show hostess in the English speaking world. She interviewed me on her morning T.V. show, and we had a lot of fun. The segment right after mine featured "Mr. Hot Dog," who demonstrated all the various ways of preparing a gourmet hot dog. His ideas included:

1) mustard (apparently there are different varieties)

2) relish (apparently there are different varieties)

3) sauerkraut (apparently there is one variety)

And that was it. I jumped on camera as "Sargeant Sausage," and spiced up the segment with improvised hot dog humor. I await my Emmy nomination.