Reykjavik!

I'm back from London, where I can definitely say I love the United States of America, except for my new love for televised women's professional indoor field hockey! One of the highlights of the trip was staring down at the world from 40,000 feet and seeing a city in the middle of the vast northern Atlantic. Who on earth would live there? Well, lots of people, apparently, including the recently deceased nutty anti-semite chess champion Bobby Fisher. It was Iceland! Then across the frozen tundra of Greenland, Baffin Bay, the Northwest Territories of Canada, which seem to be in the NorthEAST. (?) And then we headed south, miles above my friends in Edmonton, Calgary, and finally

THANK GOD IN HEAVEN

Into American airspace. No wonder so many of them hate us at the same time they want to come here. We rock. Hey, people, it's Superbowl weekend, and I'm guzzling Coca Cola, pretzels, and Lee Greenwood albums.

Kansas City!

It's impossible to have a bad meal in Kansas City because of the beef. They put slabs of Kansas City beef in everything there. Vegetarians in Kansas City have petitioned to have beef considered a sort of thick, juicy cabbage-like product. If you think about it, if you stare at a steer for long enough and they stand really still it can look as though they're growing out of the ground. Don't try to fertilize one, though. I had a wonderful time at the Majestic Theatre there, and everyone was great. The radio and T.V. interviews were plentiful and fun, and I was amazed to find out that I was the final - I mean THE FINAL guest on the historic K.C. rock station KY. They've been on the air for decades, and ... well ... right after my interview - GONE. They were turning off desk lamps and taking down Duran Duran posters as I was talking. Sorry, KY. Now it's going to be one of those disembodied computer stations called "The Boulevard," run by HAL 9000 and Lumberg. (to get the previous reference you had to have seen the movies "2001: A Space Odyssey, AND "Office Space." Sorry.)

Dome and a half

At Glacier Point in Yosemite National Park, the bald guy with binoculars just wouldn't get out of my way. He is now immortalized, forever linked to the majesty of Yosemite Valley and the High Sierra. Congratulations, Morty (real name unknown).

Happy New Year

Thanks to everyone in Chicago for a great bunch of shows, including a New Year's Eve blanketed in snow, a "de-icing" of the plane before take-off, and a sunny 75 degrees upon landing. A great '08 to everyone, at the end of twelve beautiful days of Christmas. At an office a few days ago, a woman very kindly offered me some "Holiday" cookies. She stressed "Holiday" even more than "cookies." It's getting rather absurd.

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style,
in the air there's a feeling of a secular observance of well being!

Let's Get Small

I fear Steve Martin. There, I've said it. He's the only person in show business that I haven't really met yet, and I'm sure that if we do meet the exchange will veer way too close to Chris Farley's interview of Paul McCartney on SNL so many years ago.
Tom (sweating profusely) : You know that ...uh... arrow through your head thing?
Steve (uncomfortably) : Why, yes, I do.
Tom (after a ridiculous pause, feigning relaxation) : That was really good.
Steve Martin was just given the Kennedy Center honor by the President, and I just finished his recent book, "Born Standing Up," which I read and enjoyed very much. At the height of his popularity, Steve Martin appeared at the Gammage Auditorium at Arizona State University in 1977 and I somehow scored tickets in the third row, where I was electrified by his crazed performance as a few thousand rabid fans went bonkers. In the middle of his act, he chose me, sitting there in the third row, to stand up and speak to him. He did a stupid magic trick with me, asked me questions, made fun of my answers, and finally said "Sorry, Tom...Just havin' a little fun...at your expense."
I thought that I had accomplished all that would be necessary to consider my life a fabulous success, and would have greeted a bolt of lightning with good humor and a shrug.
Congratulations, Steve.

Edmonton!

Edmonton is the northernmost major North American city, and it boasts the world's largest shopping mall (including a waterpark with a roof, a flamingo pond, and a full sized replica of Columbus's ship the "Santa Maria." ...and a Banana Republic) I performed there last weekend and had a great time, doing what everyone in Edmonton seems to do in early November - go inside the mall and get ready for eight months of winter. It's already in the teens there, with snow on the ground, and the hockey players are sharpening their skates and removing their teeth. As I've written before, I love Canada, have been there many times, and am always entertained by their friendliness, peppered by the resentment of a smaller little brother next to the giant USA. Yes! You're better than us! Yes! Down vests are an underappreciated gift to humanity! Yes! A sandwich should cost fifteen dollars! Yes! I love Canada!

Being alive

Last night I performed at a benefit for breast cancer research at The Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach, California - My favorite club filled with my favorite people. The crowd was full of breast cancer survivors, doctors, nurses, lots and lots of women who have been through a lot, and the caring people who have watched them go through it. My point? These people went crazy with a kind of laughter that approached insane hysteria. It was a deafening roar of release and joy. I just wondered - does it take that kind of horrifying trip to the edge of the abyss in order to finally really let loose and laugh hysterically, seemingly without a care in the world? It was a beautiful night, and I was glad to be onstage in front of so many crazy people, as we celebrated life, and thumbed our nose at the alternative.

In remembrance